"The Quest for the Elusive 96*"

Today's review is on a classic, a game I'm sure most of you have at least seen, if not played for hours and hours on end: Super Mario World.

Super Mario World is a game developed and published by Nintendo, originally released in Japan in 1990 and North America in 1991 as a bundled-in game with the then-new Super Nintendo. This game was a huge reason the SNES sold as well as it did. It was both a critical and commercial success. I've yet to meet someone who hasn't enjoyed this game. Let's jump in and see why it's such a great game.

Story: 8/10


The story is pretty standard Mario fare, although it does diverge ever-so-slightly from the games that came before it. After saving the Mushroom Kingdom yet again, Mario, Luigi, and Princess Peach take a vacation to a place called Dinosaur Land. Sure enough, though, while resting on the beach, Peach goes missing.

Mario and Luigi search for hours to find her. Eventually, in the forest, they come upon a huge egg. It hatches, and out pops a dinosaur named Yoshi. Yoshi tells them that him and his dinosaur friends have been imprisoned in eggs by a group of evil turtles.

Evil turtles? It must be Bowser and his Koopalings! If they're in Dinosaur Land, you can bet it was them who kidnapped Peach, too. Mario and Luigi set out to rescue all of Yoshi's friends as well as Peach, trekking across the entirety of Dinosaur Land in the process.

Granted, the story still relies on a missing princess, but I give them a lot of credit for making the game take place in a different land and also introducing the character Yoshi for the first time in the Mario series.

Graphics: 9/10


This was one of the earliest SNES games, but it really does look great. It's bright and colorful, and a HUGE step forward from the NES. Animations are fluid and smooth and the characters' sprites really stand out. There's only one or two spots in the whole game where you'll really notice any slowdown in the animations, and it's usually when there's a TON of enemies on screen at once (the level with the football players underwater instantly jumps to mind).

Gameplay: 10/10


Super Mario World, on the surface, plays very similarly to Super Mario Bros. 3. You control Mario (or Luigi, if you're second player in a multiplayer game). You run through levels, platforming and collecting coins and power-ups, trying to reach the end before the time runs out. As you finish areas, instead of switching worlds like you would in Super Mario 3, you move on to the next area of Dinosaur Land. All of the areas are connected to each other, making for more logical area transitions.

The overworld map.

For ends of levels, instead of the card collecting system from Super Mario Bros. 3, there's now two posts with a bar in between that rises and lowers. If you hit the bar, you get a set number of points - the higher the bar is, the more points you get. Each time you get 100, you play a bonus game to get extra lives.

At the end of each area, there are castles where Bowser's underlings reside. Castle levels are usually a little bit harder than normal levels (but not by a ton). The first 6 are on the overworld map, while the 7th is in Bowser's area underground, and the 8th is Bowser's humongous castle.

The Koopa family. These guys are none too happy to see you.

There are also 'keys' in this game. Level icons show up either as red or yellow circles on the world map.

No yellow ones in this image,  but you get the idea.

The yellow ones are just normal levels, but red levels have a hidden key somewhere in them. Finding the key and taking it to the keyhole will, instead of taking you out the normal exit, will create a path on the overworld map to a new level.

Mario's mechanics have also been tweaked a bit. His physics are more or less the same, but now he has an added jump, the spin jump. This can break certain blocks below him, as well as deal more damage to enemies than a normal jump. The Super Mushroom and Fire Flower power-ups return in this title, but instead of the suits of Super Mario Bros. 3, Mario now has the Cape Feather. This lets him spin it to attack enemies, and, if he's running fast enough, it will let him fly.

The Cape Feather was a bit broken, though, if you knew how to use it right. See, when you were flying, you could tap the D-pad backwards to get a little bit of a lift. If you knew how to time it right, you could do this repeatedly and literally fly over an entire level. It's a great way to speed through the game, but also SUPER cheap.

The last big thing is the addition of Yoshi. As you play through the game, you'll find big Yoshi eggs. Yoshi will hatch as a baby, and you can pick him up and run him into enemies, making him eat them. After 5 or 6, he'll grow up into full-size Yoshi, letting you ride him. There are several different colors of Yoshi, each with a different effect. When Red Yoshi pulls a koopa into his mouth, he'll spit it out as fireballs. When Yellow Yoshi pulls a koopa in, he'll stomp the ground hard, upturning most small enemies. Blue Yoshi will grow wings when he sucks up a koopa shell, allowing him to fly until he swallows it.

Baby Yoshi's so damned CUUUUTE!

Sound: 10/10


For me, this game unquestionably gets a 10/10. There are games with better music for the SNES, but this one holds a special place in my heart just because of how many times I've beaten it and how long I've been playing it. All of the songs are forever burned into my mind as well as my heart. As per usual, rather than blabbering on about how awesome the music is, I'll just post a few songs.

Here's the main overworld theme. I LOVE that steel pan melody.



This one's the castle theme...spooooooky...



The underwater theme. It's so very relaxing.



Replay Value: 10/10


Super Mario World has a tremendous amount of replay value for the completionists out there. When you go to pick your save file in the beginning, it displays a little number next to it. That's how many levels you've completed. Does yours say "96*"? No? Then you haven't fully beaten Super Mario World!

Along with getting all of the levels, you get the awesomeness (and sometimes, extreme frustration!) of playing through the Star Road as well as the special levels.

Pictured: Star Road.

Pictured: The most fun as well as hardest levels in Super Mario World.

These levels can be either a total blast or an occasion to have an aneurysm (I'm looking at you, Tubular).

tl;dr


To anyone who has ever played this game (which I'd hope is most of you), reading this review is unnecessary. You already know what a great, classic game it is. To those of you who haven't played this game, go play it IMMEDIATELY. Get a SNES and that copy, buy the Wii Virtual Console version, get the GBA remake, do whatever you have to to get your hot little hands on this game.

"Two plus two is f… f… f… f… ten. IN BASE FOUR! I'M FINE!"

Today's review was written by a guest reviewer, Megan. This one's 10x better than any I've done, so without further ado, here's her review of Portal.



I'm going to review a 2007 game called Portal, a single-player puzzle-platformer.

It was released for PC, Xbox 360, and PS3. The developer was Valve, who also did Half-Life, Counter-Strike, Left 4 Dead, and a bunch of other awesome first-person shooter type games. The game was actually based off of some students' senior project called Narbacular Drop.

I'm going to try not give away any big things about the story. When I played the game, a few things here and there were spoiled for me and it's really fun to find out things as they happen. The following trailer was released by Valve, so I don't consider it to have spoilers.

Story: 9/10

You play Chell, a woman we know nothing about. It doesn't matter; we never learn anything about her. The only other real character is an AI computer named GLaDOS who you hear talking to you from the minute the game starts. When the game begins, you awake in a stasis chamber, a tiny room with glass walls. GLaDOS welcomes you to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. From here, you are taken to the first test chamber and introduced to the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device (portal gun) and taught how to use it.

As you progress through the test chambers, GLaDOS talks to you, making you aware of the dangers present in the chambers, new things to do with the portal gun, and how there's yummy cake waiting for you. The atmosphere is creepy and surreal from the start and it just gets weirder from there. You're trapped in this empty testing facility with nothing but the portal gun and the AI's voice to help you (along with some tools they give you in order to advance, such as weighted cubes). The rooms get more and more challenging as you go, with new elements being introduced each room or so.

I thought the overall story was unique and amusing. The humor is great. It's cute, nerdy, and random, with tons of quotable lines. Even if you don't enjoy the humor, the gameplay will make up for it. You'll want to know if the cake really is a lie. This game is worth finishing.

Graphics: 9/10
The graphics are fairly simplistic, which is completely appropriate for the game. If you've ever played Half-Life, you know what the graphics look like. Plain gray walls and floors don't distract from the important part of the game - the puzzles. I thought they did a good job making the equipment and technology in the game look futuristic, but not really ridiculous. You can tell what everything is or what it might do, and you need to in order to figure out what to do next. The portals themselves stick out well from the rest of the environment.

One graphical thing that stuck out to me was when you shake the cursor around in game, your surroundings sort of trail along with you. It looks really nice and makes things more realistic. I haven't noticed this in other games, but then again, I haven't played many of the newest first-person shooters. The game has no visible health bar; the interface is very clean, letting you focus on the task at hand. The only things you see constantly are your gun and the 'crosshair' to aid you in creating portals.

Chell has metal heel springs to prevent injury from falls.

Gameplay: 10/10
The portal gun is your main tool to getting through this 'nightmare'. If you're playing it for PC, the right and left mouse buttons control your two portals - one blue and one orange. It doesn't matter which color you create first; you can enter either one and you will exit from the other. You can jump through them, walk through them, throw stuff through them, fall through them. If you go through one in a wall and exit through one on the floor, you'll come out and land back on your feet. It's dizzying at times. Sometimes you will need to create new portals in mid-air, forcing you to pay close attention and move quickly. If you create a portal on the ground and jump into it from several feet down, you will gain momentum, helping you get to higher places. This technique of creating portals as you're in the air and gaining momentum will be necessary for much of the game. It's also really fun to experiment with.

As you'd expect from a first-person game like this, you will encounter enemies. You don't exactly kill them... More like break them. As I said, you have no visible health bar. You can get hurt from certain things, like turrets, and if you move out of the way quickly enough you will not die. Your health apparently regenerates itself after you are hurt, because if you are damaged again (after your health has gone up) for a short period of time, you won't die. There are indeed plenty of opportunities to die in this game, mostly from falling off of platforms as far as I remember, but there are other things that will instantly kill you. You'll just start over at the beginning of the current test chamber if you die. The game will auto-save when you reach each test chamber or a 'checkpoint'.

The way the game introduces the new obstacles while teaching you how to play flows perfectly. The levels are brilliantly designed. By the end of the game, using the portal gun feels almost natural. The difficulty is just enough for me to want to keep playing. Don't get me wrong, this game can be frustrating... I did end up getting a couple of hints, but if I had thought about it some more, I probably would have been able to figure it out myself. It feels damn satisfying when you finally solve some of the harder puzzles.

(Also, after playing the game for too long and you stop, you might get the same feeling you do after you play Katamari Damacy... You'll get the urge to teleport across the room with portals. After Katamari, you size up the objects around you to see if you can roll them up. Am I the only one?)

Sound: 9/10

It won't threaten to stab you.

The sound is appropriate. The portal gun will make noises when you create portals, and also make a noise when you can't create a portal somewhere (like the darker-colored metallic walls). Sometimes all you'll hear is the sound of your footsteps. The best sound, though, is GLaDOS's crazy-ass mechanical voice.

"...all the cake is gone. You don't even care, do you?"

The lack of music for most of the game adds to its empty, surreal atmosphere. And then of course, there's the song, "Still Alive". You can look that up yourself. It's in the ending credits of the game.

Replay Value: 7/10
The game is pretty short. I think it took me about three sittings to beat the storyline, but it could be beaten in one, for sure. Plus, there are bonus levels and little missions to accomplish, like destroying all of the security cameras. I would definitely sit down and play through this game again. It won't be as fun as the first time; learning to play and finding out the story were awesome. If you haven't played this game, you're really missing out.

Portal 2 is set to come out on February 9, 2011.

"When the testing is over, you will be... missed."

"The Return of Sigma"

This is the last in a trilogy of reviews on the Mega Man X games for SNES. Today's review will be on Mega Man X3.

Things just look so much...shinier...

Mega Man X3 was developed by Capcom and released in America in early 1995. It was the last of the Mega Man X titles to appear on the SNES, and in my humble opinion, the least strong of the three. It's still a great game, but I feel like it just wasn't quite as good as the other two. Let's break this game down and see just whafuck.

Story: 8/10

The story in X3 is, like all the Mega Man games, pretty interesting. In 21xx, a scientist named Dr. Doppler finds an 'anti-virus' that neutralizes the Maverick threat. All seems to be well, and the reformed Reploids move with Dr. Doppler to a newly created utopian town called Doppler Town (really, I couldn't make up that town name if I wanted to).

However, the peace doesn't last for long. The Reploids soon revert to their Maverick ways and the blame falls on Dr. Doppler. It's up to X and Zero to investigate and take out the next wave of Mavericks and stop Dr. Doppler from causing any more damage.

Dr. Doppler certainly LOOKS like a friendly guy, right?

I won't worry about spoilers since 95% of you either have played this game already or haven't played it but don't care about story. This story suffers from the same problem Mega Man 4 did. In Mega Man 4, after defeating Wily in 3 previous games, the main antagonist was instead a man named Dr. Cossack. However, as everyone could guess, Dr. Cossack was merely a puppet to--guess who--Dr. Wily. Mega Man X3 has an incredibly similar story. It's not exactly the same, but damned close, with Sigma being the puppetmaster of sorts.

Sigma's completely brutal...could you say no to this guy?

Graphics: 9/10

X3 uses the same graphics chip as X2, the CX4. It's the only game made besides X2 that uses the CX4, too. As such, you can expect to see some super cool wireframe action towards the end of the game. It's done in a much more interesting way than it was in X2, as well.

The wireframe stuff just looks so COOL in game.

It really is a pretty slick-looking game. X3 cuts down on a lot of the lag that was present in both X and X2, making gameplay a lot quicker. On the downside, though, some things have been simplified, like the boss animations. A lot of the Mavericks only have 3-4 total animations for their characters. While it's not a huge issue, it does detract a little bit from the overall experience.

Gameplay: 7/10

The gameplay is where X3 kind of steps away from the other two X games for SNES. The basic scheme is the same: run and gun through a level, fight a boss, use his weapon on the next boss, etc.

The controls are the exact same and just as responsive as ever. There's still E-tanks and hearts hidden throughout the levels. The capsule system returns, albeit changed a bit. There's still 4 capsules that give you additional abilities. Instead of a hidden Street Fighter-esque move, though, there's additional pink capsules. After collecting the main 4 capsule abilities, you have a choice between 4 pink capsules that each further upgrade one of your 4 abilities. If you choose to skip them all, though, you have a choice to later get a 'golden chip' that will give you all 4 super-upgrades.

One huge change in this game is the fact that Zero is now a playable character throughout the whole game. If I recall correctly, it's as simple as going into the pause menu and hitting L or R. Zero uses his beam saber rather than an X-buster. He also has a very large amount of life. He saber is a melee weapon, but it's incredibly powerful. Playing as Zero seems like a good thing, but there are two downsides, one small and one huge. The minor downside is that Zero can't walk through any doors, even mini-boss doors, so you have to momentarily switch back to X. This can get annoying. The major downside is that Zero's life is finite; if he dies, he's dead for the whole game. This will even affect your ending if Zero's dead by the time you beat the game.

Another big (but mostly useless) addition is ride armors. These are large mech suits that you can use on certain pads scattered throughout the stages. One allows you to travel better underwater, another lets you fly, etc. The problem is that they're hardly utilized. You'll find that only two or three are ever needed, and only then to get a quick heart or E-tank, and then you won't end up using it for the rest of the game. I think it would've been a great system, had it been implemented a little better.

The four ride armors.

Sound: 7/10

In my humble opinion, this is the weakest point in X3. The soundtrack just didn't have the same vibe as it did in the other two X games. It certainly wasn't a "bad" soundtrack by any means. It was totally respectable. It just didn't quite capture the mood of any given level as well as the music did in X or X2. As per usual, here's a sampling of some completely random tracks from the game. First, the intro level's music, one of the best songs on the soundtrack.



And here's a track from Neon Tiger's stage, Urban Jungle, one of the weaker tracks (again, just my opinion).



Replay Value: 8/10

This game kind of goes against the other two X games for SNES in that it has a couple more big reasons to replay through it. The addition of Zero as a playable character is a huge boost since you can try to play through the game only using Zero and not let him die. There's also different bosses you fight towards the end depending on how you've killed Bit and Byte. Otherwise, the only reason to come back to this game is to attempt a playthrough with no power-ups, and then a playthrough using only your X-buster.



Thanks for sticking with me through this trilogy. It's a great bunch of games, and I really hope you all end up trying them out at some point.

And thanks for reading!

Below are links to both the original Mega Man X3 for SNES as well as the Mega Man X Collection. Recently, I bought this collection, and it's phenomenally awesome. It has Mega Man X through Mega Man X6 in all their glory, as well as a racing game based on the original Mega Man series that was only released in Japan. It's well worth buying the collection. Even the racing game is a blast; it's like Mario Kart, only a hundred times more involved.

"The Blue Bomber Strikes Back"

This is the second review in a trilogy of the Mega Man X games for SNES. We'll focus today on Mega Man X2.

If you see this intro on your TV, prepare to have your face rocked.

Mega Man X2 was developed by Capcom and released in both Japan and America in December of 1994. It's one of my favorite games for SNES, and probably of all time. A lot of the reason why I love it so much is nostalgia, but it's also just an all-around well built game. Let's jump in X-buster first and see why.

Story: 10/10 


I've already explained the backstory for the Mega Man X series. This game takes place six months and 13 days after the fall of Sigma in Mega Man X. X is now the leader of the Maverick Hunters. Even though Sigma has died, the Mavericks still continue to wreak havoc everywhere.

Three Maverick leaders, Serges, Violen, and Agile (the X-Hunters), establish a base on the North Pole. They claim to have all of Zero's parts (since Zero was destroyed during the first game). They split up the three pieces of his body, taunting X with them, hoping to lure him out and destroy him once and for all. The big question: do they have Zero's control chip?

Zero, X's equally badass partner.

This game was a little bit more story-heavy than the last (in-game, at least), which I think was a welcome change. As I've said before, I really love the story throughout both the Mega Man and Mega Man X series.


Graphics: 9/10


This game uses the same graphics engine as Mega Man X; as such, it looks just as beautiful. The huge difference is that this one seems to have a lot less slowdown. I think this is mostly because of the developers making the enemies more evenly dispersed and having less fast sequences like the mine car ride in MMX1.

This game is notable in that it uses the CX4 chip, one of only two games to use it. The CX4 was added to every cartridge for Mega Man X2 to help quickly perform general trigonometric calculations for wireframe effects and sprite positioning and rotation. It helped them make some really slick-looking sequences you can see towards the end of the game. The carts all still have the option to view the wireframe debug scene by holding down B at startup.

It looks so much cooler in motion...much cooler than, say, a Vectrex.

Gameplay: 10/10

The gameplay in Mega Man X2 is much the same as in X, albeit with a few minor tweaks. You run and gun through a level until you reach the boss room. When you beat the boss, you get his weapon. Every boss is weak against another boss's weapon. Finding the right order is half the fun.

Always start with Wheel Gator, then Overdrive Ostrich. Trust me.

Instead of having to find the dash this time, you start with it. The capsule system is still present, but the upgrades are different. One allows you to dash in midair. The helmet upgrade lets you search for hidden passages. The armor upgrade lets you absorb shots from enemies to fill up a meter; when it's full, you can use a super explosion 9000 attack, hurting everything on screen quite a bit.

Capcom put in another hidden capsule when you find all the others and all the heart tanks and E-tanks. This one's just as hard to find as the one in Mega Man X, but instead of Hadouken, this time you find Shoryuken, the uppercut move used by Ryu and Ken in the Street Fighter series. Like the Hadouken, it's a one-hit kill on any enemy and almost all of the bosses.



Sound: 10/10

Mega Man X2 had, in my opinion, one of the best soundtracks of any SNES game. Definitely top 5, at least. The sound effects were largely the same as Mega Man X, but the soundtrack is much better. It has more of a metal vibe the whole way throughout, with the exception of a few stages like Crystal Snail and Bubble Crab. Like usual, rather than talking about it too much, I'll just post a song. This is the opening song from the first introductory level, the Reploid Factory.



Here's one more, the music for Flame Stag's stage. This is what I mean when I say the soundtrack had a more metal vibe. Still a lot of the old Capcom electronica you've come to expect from the Mega Man series, though.



Replay Value: 7/10

Sadly, this game has about as much replay value as Mega Man X; not a whole damned lot. The big pull is the same as MMX: go back through and get every upgrade and get the Shoryuken. The other big things to try are playing through with no e-tanks/hearts, and if you can do that, try a game with only the X-buster. It's hard, but it's completely do-able. The only thing that might give you trouble is the final boss.

If you're seeing this screen on your TV, your face has been successfully rocked.

Trust me, though, you will come back to this game at least once. I tend to beat through it once every few months. I'm a bit of a nutbar, so I don't imagine most of you will play it once every few months, but it truly is a great game.

"In the year 20xx, a new robot was born..."

Today's review is the first in a trilogy of reviews for the three Mega Man X games for SNES.

Ah, nostalgia...

Mega Man X was developed by Capcom and released in Japan in late 1993 and North America in early 1994. It was a run-and-gun in the same style as the original Mega Man series, only with a new title character and a LOT more interesting powers like the ability to cling to walls, dash along the ground at any time, and other abilities hidden throughout the levels. The difficulty was also ramped up, in my opinion, making for a much more fun and challenging game. I'm getting ahead of myself, though...let's jump in and take a closer look at Dr. Light's brainchild.

Story: 10/10

Mega Man X was another creation by Dr. Light, the creator of Mega Man. About 30 years after the Mega Man series ended, Dr. Light decided to create a new robot, one that, unlike Mega Man, had the ability to make his own decisions. However, as Dr. Light reasoned, what if X decided to be evil? Even worse, what if society wouldn't accept him? At best, he would be an anomaly, and at worst, an abomination. Realizing that he wouldn't live long enough to finish 'debugging' X to make sure he wouldn't become evil, Dr. Light sealed him in a capsule to finish testing. He was supposed to be released in 30 years, but the building the capsule was in collapsed.

Eventually, about 100 years later (in the year 21xx), an archaeologist named Dr. Cain stumbled upon the capsule and freed X. Together, they ended up producing a series of robots known as Reploids designed to replicate X's free will. However, the circuits weren't replicated perfectly; this left the Reploids vulnerable to a long-dormant virus created by Dr. Wily, the nefarious antagonist from the original Mega Man series.

Dr. Wily, also known as Doc Brown. "Great Scott!"

The infected Reploids became known as Mavericks. A group called the Maverick Hunters was put together to combat this new threat to mankind with a Reploid named Sigma as their leader. In time, though, Sigma also became infected with the virus. X felt it was his duty to join the Maverick Hunters, now led by Zero (another of Dr. Wily's creations), to take down the Mavericks and ensure that Sigma could never wreak havoc on mankind again.

The first game in the series introduces this backstory and begins with the Maverick Hunters going out to take down their first Maverick. I really love the Mega Man/Mega Man X backstory; I realize it's probably not too realistic, but all the same, I've spent hours reading about the storyline throughout the series. It got watered down and lame towards the end of the X series, but in these first few games, it's blissfully awesome.

Graphics: 8/10

Wow! For a SNES game, this one has fucking AWESOME graphics. VERY rarely, you'll find some minor slowdown during really action-heavy sequences, but otherwise, the game moves quickly and smoothly throughout. This is especially impressive considering that the Mega Man X cartridge didn't use the CX4 chip like X2 and X3 did, although to be fair, Mega Man X didn't have any wireframe sequences in it, rendering the CX4 chip more or less meaningless.

Still, this game looks absolutely beautiful. Capcom knew how to do graphics right, and this game is a prime example of that.

Pictured: Robot excavator about to explode and X about to run into a wall.

Gameplay: 9/10

This game really shines in this section. At the start, you jump into a quick introductory stage, a staple of the Mega Man X series. Afterwords, you're taken to a level select screen similar to the one seen in the Mega Man series.

Rather than Robot Masters, now you're fighting Mavericks, each of which is usually modeled after an animal of some kind (Chill Penguin, Armored Armadillo, etc.).

The game plays a lot like the original series in that you run through a stage, killing enemies and doing lots of platforming along the way, and then you fight a boss at the end. After killing a boss, you gain the ability to use one of his weapons. There's always a boss order that's 'best' to take; one enemy will be weak against another enemy's weapon, his weapon is strong against another, etc.

However, Mega Man X really increases the fun. Certain stages will be affected depending on the order you play them in (beating Chill Penguin's stage will freeze the lava in another stage, etc.). X now has the innate ability to dash on the ground instead of the old slide move, he can jump and dash at the same time (making him jump much farther and faster), cling to walls, and wall jump. On top of this, there are hidden capsules throughout the levels that will give X added abilities like his dash (yes, the dash had to be found, but only in this game), halved damage, and the ability to charge all the weapons obtained from killing Mavericks.

The addition of all of these extras, especially the dash, allows for the possibility to beat through the entire game using only X's main gun, the X-buster. While challenging, it's entirely possible, and it makes for a helluva fun run through the game.



Other collectible items include E-tanks, tanks that slowly fill when you pick up energy pellets that can be used to refill your health when you're low, and hearts, items that increase your maximum health. 4 E-tanks and 8 hearts can be found scattered throughout the game.

It pays to find all of the hidden items and capsules in this game, though. Capcom threw in a great Easter egg in the form of a move straight from Street Fighter, the Hadouken. I won't give away where to find it or how to use it once you do find it; all I'll say is sometimes, death can be your friend.



Sound: 9/10

This game is rare because it has both good sound effects AND a good soundtrack. All of the large robotic moving noises fit very well with the visuals and music, and the weapon and charging noises also fit well, never getting too annoying or intrusive as you play.

The soundtrack is absolutely amazing. The only reason it doesn't get a 10/10 is because I think the soundtrack for Mega Man X2 was slightly better; hence, not both can be perfect. I'm a huge fan of the music throughout most of the Mega Man games, but the X series especially had phenomenal tracks. Here's one of my favorites from this game, the music from Boomer Kuwanger's stage.



Interesting piece of trivia: a lot of people get all pissy about the fact that most Mavericks are based off of animals, but Boomer Kuwanger is not. After all, what the fuck is a 'kuwanger'? Well, it's based on the Japanese word 'kuwagata', or stag beetle. That piece of trivia was a gift from me to you.

Replay Value: 7/10

Sadly, this is where the game suffers the most in score. Once it's been beaten, there's not a whole lot left to do. One thing to do is go through the game, getting every upgrade and hidden capsule, as well as the Hadouken. Another thing to try is going through the game without getting ANY upgrades or hearts. The third, and hardest, is to go through with no upgrades or hearts, using only the X-buster.

Other than finding ways to challenge yourself, though, the only real reasons to go back to this game and replay it are that it's just mindnumbingly fun and that it has one of the top 20 best soundtracks in a video game ever.





If you've never played this game, what the shit is wrong with you? Go play it right now! Don't just trust me, read literally any review for this game; it's universally considered to be awesome beyond belief. It will turn your brain into awesome-flavored pudding.

If you have played this game, go replay it! What the shit are you waiting for?

Tomorrow or the day after, I'll be back with a review of the next game in this series (and my personal favorite), Mega Man X2. Until next time, keep your finger hovering over that dash button. You'll need it.

"Green-Haired Women Have More Fun"

Next up is a blast from the distant past: a game called Joe and Mac.

HOLYHOTFUCKJOEANDMAC

Joe and Mac is a game developed by a company called Data East, released initially for arcades in 1991 and ported to the SNES (as well as a myriad of other systems) in 1992 in the United States. Data East is an interesting little company, though they didn't have many big-name games before they went bankrupt in 2003. One you might recall is a little title called BurgerTime. Joe and Mac is a very deep game, filled with suspense, intrigue, mystery, and betrayal, all interwoven in very complex layers, leaving the gamer to wonder about the very nature of existence.

...Nah, that's bullshit. It's a pretty straight-forward platformer set in the anachronistic caveman era, but it is a blast and a half. This was one of a handful of SNES games I actually owned when I was 5 and I've played through it maybe 10 times between then and now. As a result, my review might be a tad (read: INCREDIBLY) biased, but hang in there...we'll get to the bottom of just how good this game really was.

Story: 6/10

5 out of 10 is a pretty arbitrary score for the story, but if you've been following my last reviews, you'll notice I've been picking games with no real substance to the story. This game is much the same, but I really wanted to avoid putting down another "N/A" for story. Essentially, our lovable heroes are cavemen living in prehistoric times. Life is simple, life is good. However, some dirty bastard has kidnapped all the cave babes! It's up to Joe and Mac to trek through a series of levels, fighting both man and beast, saving all of the kidnapped cavehookers one by one. 5/10 for comedy, and 1/10 for effort.

Graphics: 8/10

This game, being an early SNES title, has pretty mediocre graphics. Things look a little blocky, though nowhere near as rough as an NES game would look. However, two things really bump the score up a lot. One is the sheer graphical comedy that the developers tossed into the game. All the characters have completely insane looking hair and incredibly exaggerated facial expressions (seriously, look at the title screen up above...those guys are freaking the fuck OUT). It really makes the game a lot more enjoyable. The second savior is how well done the bosses were. A few are pretty standard, only being a little bigger than most normal enemies. A few of them, though, are HUGE dinosaurs, so big they can't fit their entire body on screen.

"I think I have something in my teeth...can you get that for me?"

Again, for being an early SNES game, these bosses really do look phenomenal. Their movement is a little bit jerky, but otherwise quite impressive.

Gameplay: 9/10

As I said before, my review might be a bit biased because of nostalgia, but this is a SUPER fun game. It's very basic: run through a level, killing every enemy in your way, reach the boss, kill the boss and rescue the cave babe, go to overworld screen, pick a new level, repeat. Most of the levels are pretty varied, going from outdoorsy areas like the one in the above image to cave levels to waterfall levels to a level that's set entirely inside of one gigantic dinosaur's innards.

The game throws a lot of interesting tools your way to help you in destroying the dinosaur scourge. When you first start, all you have is your trusty (and borderline useless) club. As you progress, you'll find weapon icons scattered throughout the levels. There's one that throws a bone every time you attack, another that throws a boomerang every time you attack, another that throws a ball of fire every time you attack (AWESOME), and the strongest weapon is a wheel that rolls along hugging the contour of the ground, killing most normal enemies in one hit. Once you have a weapon, you keep it, too, cycling through using the Select button.

"JOE SMASH!"

You have a pretty standard life bar in this game. In the original arcade version, your lifebar would deplete constantly, a la Gauntlet. The SNES version has made things a bit more manageable. Enough hits and you die, turning into an invulnerable angel for a few seconds before you rejoin the corporeal world. Run out of lives and it's game over. If you're short on health, there are meat icons littered throughout the levels. Small ones recover little bits of health and steaks recover large portions.

The overworld map is another noteworthy feature of the SNES port. It wasn't present in the original arcade version. In the arcades, you'd have to play through every level with no breaks in between. In the SNES version, you get to pick your level, sometimes skipping over levels if you want to. There are also keys hidden throughout the levels that open up bonus areas on the main map. Most are quick distractions; meat is falling from the sky and you need to collect it all without letting any hit the ground, or you have to kill a few enemies to save an extra cave babe.

This game also had two different two player modes. In both, one player takes Joe and the other takes Mac. In one mode, there's no 'friendly fire', and in the other, you can beat the bejeesus out of your caveman comrade. When I was a kid, this caused more sibling squabbling then I care to remember between me and my brothers. Half the fun is to see how long it takes to Mortal Kombat the fuck out of your buddy.

The only reason this game gets a 9 instead of a 10 for gameplay is because of the sometimes clunky controls. I realize cavemen weren't exactly Shinobi, but they move incredibly slowly. You'll find yourself dying a ton during sections with a lot of jumping, as well. The cave level with the mammoth as a boss is exceedingly frustrating until you really get the hang of the controls. Pulling off high jumps can be difficult, as can effectively making your chosen cavedude roll along the ground. Trust me, though, it's worth it to master the controls.

Sound: 7/10

The music in Joe and Mac wasn't exactly groundbreaking, but it was really super catchy. It's been over a year since I've played this game, but I can still distinctly remember the boss theme as well as the song that plays through the first level. It gets across the vibe and setting for the game pretty well. The sound effects are a little wonky, though. There's no way to describe the sound it makes when you hit another caveman with your club. I'll just say that no human should ever utter those sorts of noises. Ever. The dinosaur bosses (and the mammoth boss) all have very well done sound effects, though, as do the pterodactyl-based bosses.

Replay Value: 6/10

This is a game you'll go back to maaaaaybe once after you beat it, just for funsies. It's pretty quick to beat all the way through once you've gotten the hang of the controls, so that really ups the replay factor. There's also a hi-score that rests at the top of the screen, although in this game, if you do things right, you'll always end up with very similar scores. This isn't one you'll go back to over and over to try and top your previous score.




Joe and Mac is, in my opinion, totally worth a play. Worst case, you hate it and you never look at it again. It's short enough that you can beat it in an hour. From the looks of a lot of 'official' reviews of this game, it wasn't exactly the Citizen Kane of the video game world. It's no E.T., though. Give it a shot. Who knows? You might find yourself swallowed by the quirky gameplay (and a dinosaur or two).

Don't forget to club the green-haired floozy and drag her back to your hut before you finish.